The common human approach to getting your needs met is instant defensiveness...to be understood with more words and maybe intensity. Not working for you?
Try slowing down the conversation to simply reflect back what the other simply "said." This is not agreement, but an attempt to show respect for their thoughts and feelings before you return the arrow. Validating their message before giving your response de-escalates anger and helps the other to better listen to your response.
This back and forth requires some discpline to validate before defending your position and is an attempt at sacrificial love. Love is others-centered, and they will see you are trying to honor feelings and listen with empathy. Without empathy listening by either party, a train wreck results, egos are wounded, and the battle for self-preservation sabotages the peace you want.
Sacrificial love leads to resolution and forgiveness. Restoring the intimacy begins with your modeling validation...easy to say and hard to do, but worth the discipline.
